Well, hello folks.

This is not a post I thought I’d be writing anytime soon, if ever. But, life hands us unforeseen circumstances, and many things are not in our control. Mo and I are facing a moment we did not expect that will impact our lives and Fromm Daily.

Due to some unforeseen circumstances, it looks likely that we are going to be in the process of relocating soon. As you might imagine, there are lots of moving pieces to be managed when it comes to relocating, and that means my time and energy needs to be focused elsewhere at the moment.

I’m not ending Fromm Daily. I’m just putting it on pause until we are a little more sorted and settled.

Those of you with paid subscriptions, you won’t be charged again until I unpause Fromm Daily. I will definitely send you a heads up before doing so. If you have any questions, you can always email me at lacey@frommdaily.com.

I hope you have enjoyed Fromm Daily. It has been a labor of love and I believe in the quality of what I have made. I really hoped to build it into a community and encourage others as a result, for the long term. That’s still a possibility, but just not at the moment.

The Substack site will stay up of course, and previous episodes will always be available for you to listen to. You can also listen to episodes of Rethinking Humanity, a podcast I was co-host of before Fromm Daily. On it we talked about Fromm’s writings and other parallel ideas. You can see it at www.rethinkinghumanity.us.

I hope to be able to continue Fromm Daily very soon. I will be in touch. All the best.

With love and humanity,

Lacey Delayne

This week I have shared with you some of the knowledge I’ve gained on the topic of decision making.

It is an important theme, and one that I have said before, is one of the most important skills we as human beings can learn. Especially this day-in-age. I think it’s something that needs to be emphasized in schools in a very different way than it is now.

I didn’t come easily to the knowledge of effective decision making. I used the affirmation of others to guide my decisions for so long, and even when I felt I knew what decision I wanted to make, I couldn’t make it without asking several people and hoping for them to confirm my choice. If they didn’t, I wouldn’t make the decision I had thought was best. I went with what the majority of people told me. Or what the last person I talked to told me. And, I was left in the internal turmoil that ensues when one knows what one wants to do, but doesn’t do it. Or, that comes when we make decisions for others instead of ourselves.

I am still learning. But, I am more confident in my abilities now than I was previous to my work in therapy. I know now that decision making is a skill we learn, and not a natural, innate ability.

Learning the skill has improved my quality of life soooo much.

The reality is, when we learn this skill, we empower ourselves to live lives in which we feel fully alive.

Why? Because we are aware of the why behind our decisions. We are actually the author of our decisions, and we can make ones that support us living the way we really want to live.

I enjoy myself, my life and my circumstances so much more than I did before building this skill. I can feel calm as I move forward in life, knowing I processed the information necessary to make the best decision I could in the moment, and where I am standing now is a result of my own previous decisions about where I wanted to be in life.

The tool I am going to share with you today has been one of the most impactful ones during important moments of my life.

That tool is a weighted pros-and-cons list.

I used this recently when choosing a new phone to purchase here in Spain after not having bought a new one in more than five years! I also made one when processing the decision to move to Spain last fall.

So, what is a weighted pro-and-con list and how does it work?

Well, first, as you might infer, one lists the pros and cons of choosing one route. And, the pros and cons of choosing another.

The weighted part comes into play when we think about the quantity of items on each side of the list. Some might say, well if one has more pros than cons, then that’s the decision you should make.

Well first of all there is no should. I hate the word should. You make the decision you feel lines up best with you, your desires and goals, your gut. Not the one you think you should.

But, I digress. (I’m very passionate about this hating the word should thing).

The point is, the quantity of pros vs cons isn’t ‘the decision maker.’

Once the pro-and-con list is completed, one then goes back to weigh the pros-and-cons on each side of the list.

For example, if a pro of the decision to go live in Spain is that its sunny many days there, and living somewhere where its sunny a lot is very important to me, that element gets more weight in my decision making process. In essence, its more important. So, I star it with one or more stars, to represent how important it is to me.

The reality is that you can have several items on the list on one side, and one or two on the other, but if the two on the other are starred, or are more heavily weighted, (more important) then that affects your decision differently.

Another thing I love about a weighted pros and cons list is that it gets everything out on paper where its visible for you to see. That is an important step in decision making - collecting as much information as you can, processing it and reflecting on it.

The idea is that you can see a little bit more clearly about what is important to you, based on the weights, and that can help you process the information you have about the decision at hand, and come to the decision that feels most genuine and connected to who you are. That can help you see what life might be like in each situation, and decide which things are most important to you, and thus, what might be the best decision for you.

The other thing I’ll mention is that in my process of making decisions in the past, alongside the pros and cons list, is that I didn't ignore things I knew to be true about myself. So, for example, if it was a job opportunity as a nanny, but with a family in north Atlanta, I didn't even spend time interviewing, because I knew myself enough to know I was not about to spend so much of my life sitting in traffic. I knew that made me miserable and I didn't want to do it, so I didn’t compromise.

I also knew that I preferred to work with girls, and I didn’t want to work more than 30 hours a week. I didn't even consider jobs that didn’t fall within that category. I respected and honored myself, who I knew myself to be, in the process of the decision making. This is one of the number one ways to cast off a life of resentment, frustration and of doing things because you “have to.”

I also shoot to remember that I can only make the best decision I can in the moment that I make it, with the information I have in the moment. Looking back on a decision when you have new information and regretting it, saying “if I had only known…” isn’t helpful. You did the best you could at the time of the decision with the information you had. And that’s it. And that’s okay. That’s all one can do.

I want to invite you to give weighted pro-and-con lists a shot when you are faced with your next big decision, and see if it helps. And, I hope this post has been helpful. I would love to see your comments below!

With love and humanity,

Lacey Delayne

My #1 go to for making big decisions. And, some connections on what we’ve learned this week about hunter gatherer societies and modern society.

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Human beings have become obsessed with control. Not only controlling each other, but also circumstances and nature. This causes us to disrespect life, and changes the dynamics of our relationship to the earth and to living things. Plus, how listening to your instincts helps in decision making.

How the necessity for conquest brought about the invention of war. And, want to stop making “emotional” decisions? Lacey has an encouragement for you.

How has the culture and lifestyle of human beings changed since the onset of agriculture? Why does it matter, and how does it affect our health? Plus, more encouragement on how to make big decisions.

What hunter gatherer societies can tell us about our communal well-being. How control and power dominate our current society, and why it is problematic. Plus, an encouragement around making big decisions.

This week I have shared with you several mantras I have come to lean on.

I remember learning how impactful a mantra that lines up with one’s personal values could be. In the midst of scary moments where I was feeling overwhelmed, I was able to find relief in clinging to them, repeating them aloud, focusing my energy on their truths.

The first mantra I share below is one that my therapist shared with me, and one that gave me much comfort through the tumultuous times of 2020’s Coronavirus lockdown. It was then when, for months, I was unemployed, living alone, and too sick to do much more than make myself something to eat and get back in the bed. And some days, not even that. I repeated the first mantra below over and over in times when I felt anxious about money, my recovery, and living alone at such an already isolating time.

The second mantra organically came from my work with Pat over time. I observed her trust in circumstances, her positivity towards those circumstances, her general open and accepting attitude, and her trust in me and my ability to handle whatever came my way. Through our sessions, and through the circumstances that came into my life in those times, I saw the truth of this mantra manifest before my eyes. It’s one that has empowered me to practice radical acceptance. And it’s brought me a lot of peace.

Although it is different what helps each of us in difficult times, mantras are something I have seen be valuable to so many, and something that, when personalized, can be a great help when things aren’t feeling so easy.

I invite you to take a look at these, and, see if they align with your values. Maybe they even inspire you to create your own!

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In this Friday episode for paid subscribers, Lacey shares the link between creativity and maturity. And, details of the mantra that has helped her to shed people pleasing tendencies.

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More than an action, creativity is an attitude. It’s an approach to life and a way of living. Today Lacey shares how and why based on Fromm’s ideas. And, how she rids herself of the Fear of Missing Out (FOMO). *Note: Please excuse the lower audio quality of this episode due to unforeseen circumstances*

The need to transcend life is innate in humans. It can be done by creating or destroying. If we cannot cope with life by creating, we will do it by destroying. Thus, destruction is a way many of us feel a sense of power. Why? Why don’t we choose creativity? Plus another mantra for encouragement on your personal growth journey.

Necrophilia is the love of that which is not alive, the non-living, the sick and mechanical. Mostly heard used in a sexual sense, Fromm writes about it in a general sense. He shows us how our society’s focus on the unalive brings difficulty to us as human beings. Plus another mantra to help on your personal growth journey.

Boredom and destruction. What do they two have to do with each other? Plus, mantras that can help on your personal growth journey.

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This week we have been talking about self awareness and its power for changing your life for the better. In light of sharing the powerful essence of this amazing action, I wanted to share some tangible ways one can increase their own level of self-awareness, in case it is a goal you personally have for yourself.

The five things I suggest below are things I have experience with or know others who have experience with.

Five Ways to Increase Your Self-Awareness

1. Journal

If I had to point to one thing outside of therapy that has revolutionized my life, its journaling. The amount of times I’ve pivoted to journaling when I am feeling overwhelmed, and it helped me not only in the moment but also later, is innumerable. And the reason it is so powerful for building self awareness is, that you can go back to it later on when you are feeling calm again, and re-read it. And you can see very clearly the thoughts that were in your mind. This can help you realize patterns of thinking in certain moments, triggers, and false ideas that may cause you to continue to feel anxious, triggered or scared. For example, I can look back at a journal entry from when I was feeling a lot, and see things that I wrote like “I just feel like nobody wants to talk to me or be my friend, because nobody ever calls me.” In the moment, I can feel that so strongly. And later I can go back and read it and realize, wow, that was catastrophic, all or nothing thinking, and quite frankly, not true. It’s not true that nobody wants to talk to me or be my friend, or that nobody ever calls. It just not a factual statement. They may be calling less, or not as much lately, but its not true to say that they NEVER call. Looking back later can help you to see these patterns of thinking, which can help you become more self aware. Journaling can also help you with number two below.

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In today’s paid subscriber-only episode, I share vulnerably about realizing racism in me. Hard, but worth it in the end. Self-awareness FTW.

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We may not realize it, but we are bored with our daily lives. Painfully bored. Why? And, there is a connection between busyness and boredom. What is it? Plus, an encouragement on self-awareness as key to a more satisfying life.

There is a lack of genuine connection between us and the things we do on a day-to-day basis. This disconnection causes us pain. Fromm calls productive activity the antithesis to this disconnection. Those who engage in productive activity have a special attractiveness, and bring others to life. How can we live more like this? Plus, what happened with Mary & Pat.

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So much of the time we do things because we are told to, not because we really want to. It causes us to be disconnected. Disconnected lives lead to anxiety and depression. To fix it, we need a societal structure that values autonomy and authenticity. Plus, a situational example of self-awareness.

How we confuse busyness with productivity, what Fromm said productivity really is and how we live hypnotized on auto-pilot. Plus, how self awareness can bring us closer to ourselves, each other and our ideal lives.

This week, I’ve delved into the theme of Self Compassion for your daily encouragements. Today, I want to share five reasons to show yourself compassion.

Why? Because, as we know, it is so easy to beat ourselves up. There are a lot of societal reasons we do so, which Dr. Gabor Mate talks about in his latest book, The Myth of Normal. I am reading it now and find that much of what he writes overlaps with the ideas of Fromm. In fact, the opening quote in the book is from Fromm’s The Sane Society! Which is pretty cool. Societal factors definitely play a role, and are part of the reason, maybe the root of the reason it’s so easy to beat ourselves up, but other circumstances affect our tendency to chose a harsh response instead of a kind one.

Regardless of why we tend to beat ourselves up, having compassion on ourselves is achievable. It is a skill that you learn and build on, getting better and better at it over time. Just like dribbling a basketball or playing the guitar. And it’s one you can do. You can do it. You can! Ánimo!!

Five Reasons to Show Yourself Compassion

1. You’re Human

Humans are animals who are not perfect. We are not machines which can work for extremely long periods of time without making mistakes. We are living beings, we are imperfect. We have needs and desires, and hopes for authentic interactions with the world. Imperfection is one way that these authentic interactions occur. Imperfection means having needs, making mistakes, doing things that you might not have wanted to do looking back, or which hurt someone else. The point is that you give yourself all the kindness and understanding for the very reason of being human, a living, growing, evolving being. If you were perfect, you wouldn’t be living, growing or evolving. One thing I say to myself often when I “make a mistake” or do something I might have wished I hadn’t, I say, “Of course I did that. I am a human. Its a very human thing to do _____.”

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